In this obviously unretouched photo from the Mars rover Spirit we see that once again
the government has been shamelessly hiding a shocking new discovery.

Not only is there life on Mars -- but even familiar life.  Now, certainly it would be stretching
things a bit to call it intelligent -- but life is life, and the suppression of this photo by
the evildoer engineers at NASA is inexculpable.

The French, of course, immediately protested this US secrecy, and hastily pointed out
 that obviously they had been there first.

In a stormy rebuttal to the French, the Russians rapidly followed with vituperative
accusations that the plans for the Eifel tower were, of course, stolen from Russian
designers early in the 1800's -- and the efforts of the French to hide the evidence on
Mars would ultimately prove fruitless.

Meanwhile, McDonald's has announced the opening of still another of their ubiquitous
eyesores, taking the moment as an opportunity to once again disclaim: "We
do not now nor have we ever used 'downer cows' to make our hamburgers.  In
fact, we use no animal products of any kind in them."